IT woes of the IT guy

This charming list of IT woes is courtesy of sysadminday.com. Held on the July 27th, 2007 when everyone should be nice to the IT guy (in this case – Ted). It made me laugh, and hopefully you too!

  • Play with all the wires you can find. If you can’t find enough, open something up to expose them. After you have finished, and nothing works anymore, put it all back together and call Ted. Deny that you touched anything and that it was working perfectly only five minutes ago. Ted just loves a good mystery. For added effect you can keep looking over his shoulder and ask what each wire is for.
  • Never write down error messages. Just click OK, or restart your computer. Ted likes to guess what the error message was.
  • When talking about your computer, use terms like “Thingy” and “Big Connector.”
  • When you call Ted to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under a year-old pile of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, unpaid bills, bowling trophies and Popsicle sticks. Ted doesn’t have a life, and he finds it deeply moving to catch a glimpse of yours.
  • When Ted sends you an email marked as “Highly Important” or “Action Required”, delete it at once. He’s probably just testing some new-fangled email software.
  • Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
  • When the printer won’t print, re-send the job 20 times in rapid succession. That should do the trick.
  • When the printer still won’t print after 20 tries, send the job to all the printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
  • Don’t use online help. Online help is for wimps.
  • When Ted asks you whether you’ve installed any new software on your computer, LIE. It’s no one else’s business what you’ve got on your computer.
  • If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the monitor and stuff the cable under it. Those skinny Mouse cables were designed to have 5 kilos of computer monitor crushing them.
  • If the space bar on your keyboard doesn’t work, blame Ted for not upgrading it sooner. Hell, it’s not your fault there’s a half pound of pizza crust crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Mountain Dew under the keys.
  • When you get the message saying “Are you sure?”, click the “Yes” button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren’t sure, you wouldn’t be doing it, would you?
  • Feel perfectly free to say things like “I don’t know nothing about that boneheaded computer crap.” It never bothers Ted to hear his area of professional expertise referred to as boneheaded crap.
  • When you receive a 130 MB movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. Ted’s provided plenty of disk space and processor capacity on the new mail server for just those kinds of important things.
  • When you bump into Ted in the grocery store on a Sunday afternoon, ask him computer questions. He works 24/7, and is always thinking about computers.
  • Don’t ever thank Ted. He loves fixing everything AND getting paid for it!
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